Moving Forward

What a whirlwind week.
Not sure if I have wrote about teaching but I have been working for the past 9 months to become a certified teacher. At the time (just as in college) I thought this would be my choice career. I am soon learning not so much, and by the point I realized this I had already completed 4-5 lessons out of 7. Since I didn't pay for the program (scholarship) I figured I'd finish it. Well this summer, I'll be taking the last of my exams, and opportunities came up that are allowing me to finish my student teaching and become a certified teacher. While I'm not too excited about this, a fight with John about it actually led me to really realize what I needed to do. To backtrack again, when I talk about teaching, I can see John getting irritated with me. He sort of tunes out and just says "uh hu, oh yeah?" Well he did this this past week and I broke and began yelling at him. Why don't you support me? You don't care how hard I have worked for this...You don't listen to me when I try to talk to you about teaching..his response?
" I don't want to hear it because I know deep down you hate it. I know it's not what you are meant to do and I wish you would stop listening to everyone else and take control of your life. You were meant to bake. Nothing less. That's it. And I am working, willing to do anything to support that for you, and you want to throw it away teaching. If you want to spend your life in a job you hate, fine but don't complain to me about how you should have pursued your real dream."
My response, "but we won't have any money, I'll have to work odd hours, how are we ever going to start a family?" John replied, "If it is meant to be, God will lead us on the path. I wish you would not worry about next year, ten years from now, children we don't have yet, mortgages, bills, things we don't have yet, and worry about accomplishing your dreams."
I love my husband. He is always there to support me and take care of my emotional fits. While I am still going to get my teaching license because I've worked for it and I'm capable of it, I have really took steps to pursue baking.

I mentioned to a friend who works at the four star hotel on base that I was looking to get my foot in the door in their deli/bakery at the hotel. She immediately called the manager of the bakery, and returned asking me to build a portfolio this weekend of pictures of my work, along with a resume and he would give me a call. I think at that moment, I just about peed my pants. Instead I ran out, got tons of supplies, and began baking up some cupcakes (she mentioned they wanted in on the cupcake trend). Tonight I began the decorating, and things turned out pretty well. I'm not so out of practice with my cake decorating but there's definitely room for improvement.

My achievement? Accomplishing beautiful shell borders. I have always struggled with those damn things. Two rounds of practice on a practice cupcake and I had it. I'm still smiling. Again, I don't get this reaction from teaching.

This weekend, I'm going to bake a bit more, decorate a full cake, and create that portfolio to be ready for Monday.

I could just die. Best day today, vacation in two weeks, possible baking work. Most awesome husband.

Florida's effect on me.

This week while on vacation I have realized more and more that I do not belong in the classroom. It started with the dreaming and wishing propgranda Disney World fills your head with. The idea that you can do whatever you want regardless of the challenges life may place before you. I'm finally ready to face those challenges to my ultimate dream.

John says I need to have faith and take that leap because if I don't I will never know what could have been. I sometimes need to fail multiple times before I can succeed. Walt Disney logic. Walt Disney this week has been a huge motivator. The man poured everything he had constantly into any dream that he had. HIs parents wished alternate plans for him but he followed through with his ideas. Look how he ended up? Even after close calls of protest, business failures and successes, his dream is still alive post death. Not that I want a cupcake theme part by any means but I am finally seeing that it could be possible. I never want Rosies Bakery to become a super mega empire like Mrs. Fields or Keebler. Just a successful main street bakery is my idea.

God is another huge factor. I do not have the faith I should in God to provide for John and I. It's not all up to me, or John to provide for us. I live with the believe that I am a child of God and that if he feeds the sparrows he will feed John and our children, and provide us shelter. That I can be successful in my ventures.

Supported by this is the fact that I'm very sure I bombed my teacher professional education test. It was hard. It wasn't like the study guide and really caught me off guard. Sitting 40 questions in, I just wanted to run out the door and cry. This is not what I want to do. I know that if I stay in teaching I am going to become an old croney teacher who hates her job and children. I cannot let this happen to myself. I need to take a stand.
To top it off I had a teaching job interview on Friday evening. I bombed that. I was nervous and talking, they haven't got back to me, but they cut the interview at the end of the interview. I'm just done with education.

I don't know what will happen when we get back from vacation. I'm waiting to hear back from the GM at the dragon hill but it sounded like it could have been possible for me to come in and work in the bakery. Should be challenging but I am so ready to learn. I don't know if that means a job or they will let me work for free but I'll take either. Korea has no oppurtunities for me to pursue this further so this is my only chance. John's going to help me take some business classes, and I"m going to look for a scuplture class to take in the meantime.

Just wanted to journal an update. Now back to my vacation in Florida!